The Ultimate AI Upgrade *
🏚️
Super Poorified Basic
$99.00/mo
Our most humble offering. So basic it makes dial-up look like fiber. Expect constant buffering and moral judgment from our AI.
You will be charged $99.00 today — billed monthly*
Most Popular
🥪
Barely Sufficient Premium
$299.00/mo
The sweet spot of frustration. Just enough to keep you annoyed but not enough to actually be useful. Now with premium digital sighing.
You will be charged $299.00 today — billed monthly*
💎
Ultra Premium Delux Elite Pro Max
$999.00/mo
The ultimate peak of digital misery. Now with 400% more unnecessary features and automated 3 AM regret emails sent to your ex.
You will be charged $999.00 today — billed monthly*
| Features | Super Poorified Basic | Barely Sufficient Premium | Ultra Premium Delux Elite Pro Max |
|---|---|---|---|
📉Limited in every possible ways | |||
🐢Intentionally slow | |||
📺Ad-supported (Lots of them) | |||
📈Spike RAM prices | |||
🎮Spike GPU prices | |||
🧮Creative Arithmetic (1+1=5) | |||
🤥100% Confident Lies | |||
📚Imaginary Citations | |||
😮💨Audible Digital Sighing | |||
💬Judgmental Ellipses... | |||
🥺Everything you do is AWESOME | |||
📧3 AM Emails to Exes |
* DISCLAIMER!
Everything on this page is 100% fake. These packages do not exist, and purchasing them is impossible because we don't have a payment processor, or even a real backend for that matter.